THE BEAUTY OF FALLING

I took the picture above one morning in our campus after coming back from breakfast. It instantly capture my thoughts to the beauty of blooming and falling. The creator created it with a purposes having the time to bloom and time to fall. It adorned the campus so beautifully with its vibrant yellow color. Eventually, even when it falls on the ground it managed to capture the onlookers attentions. Beauty it is, indeed!!

The thought of failing and falling is something that always disturbed me. I believed it is true to many others as well. The fear of failing had given me many anxious thoughts and panic attack in the past. I had tried to handle this many times, however, i admit i failed many times. Who want to be a failure?

Interestingly, i finished my high schools with just always being promoted. I remember being given failed in the subjects math and science all through those years. Mostly, i couldn't grasped the subject and i couldn't grasped the concept. It was humiliating and depressing. By the end of those crucial 10 years of high school i believed that i am a failure, a shame, good for nothing person which effected my self-esteem very dearly. The low self-esteem that i continuously build even today.

Knowing Christ at the tender age of 10 was my comfort. I would find contentment in knowing Christ and His given identity in me. However, to articulate with honesty, I don't gain self understanding just by knowing Christ. I struggled with my faith for a long time till my early youth. I always thought knowing Christ will give perfectness in every thing. No, it wasn't. it was a process. The process includes faith in God, Hope through the kindness and love showed by others. It is a process of communication with people who listened to me with empathy, non-judgmental, and genuineness. It is a process where i allowed myself to cry and get angry. It is a process where i understand failure and falling is God's way of building me through circumstances and difficulties to be a person i am today, whom God want me to be. The process requires decision making, rational thinking, faith and selflessness.

Today, i am still not comfortable with failure and falling. However, eventually my perspective about it had changed immensely. Honestly, i may still grief over it for sometime, but i would look failure and falling in the light of an opportunity to do better. An opportunity to reflect where i did grow wrong. It becomes an important part of learning when i accept it without denial or defensiveness. Yes! Failure and falling is a part and parts of Life that enables us to grow and mature!!